imperfection is underrated

The idea of imperfection has been biting at me for some time. At first I wasn't even aware that it was a big thing, a big idea that was worth facing with an open heart. Now I know that it is. Its big. And I am paying attention.

Many months ago, i read and reread Women Food And God. My poverty mentality spreads its vicious tentacles across most of my life. Or at least it did. When you think that there isn't enough, you tend to grab what you can whether you need it or not. A thousand black dresses, for instance. Every last strand of spaghetti. You keep everything you've ever been given and try to acquire more of everything. It doesn't make any sense, but that's what its like. Its hard to let go of stuff....
Anyway, Geneen Roth talks about how our relationship with food is used to try to fix ourselves....its a very interesting book. The kernel of it however is that we do not require fixing. We are not broken.

"page 200
".....you end the search for more and better. You no longer live as if this life is a dress rehearsal for the next. Authenticity, not trying to be good, begins to infuse your actions. Through practices like the eating guidelines, meditation and inquiry, you slowly realise that you are already whole and that there is no test to pass, no race to finish; even pain becomes another doorway, another chance to recognise where love appears to be absent."

So even if I am imperfect; that is already perfection. I don't require fixing at all. What a revelation!

a few weeks ago, i saw this:

from here via here

another little bite...ouch. its so true.

And then. And then.

I read this in Norwegian Wood, Haruki Murakami...p 173

"I felt a strange and powerful awareness of the imbalance and awkwardness of the human body. Holding Naoko in my arms, I wanted to explain to her, "I am having sex with you now. I am inside you. But really it is nothing. It doesn't matter. It is nothing but the joining of two bodies. All we are doing is telling each other things that can only be told by the rubbing together of two imperfect lumps of flesh. By doing this we are sharing our imperfection"

so, what is the universe telling me, i wonder?
Imperfection is the best we have, not as a last resort, but as a first choice. when we face our imperfection and share it fully with the world, we are giving the world a gift and at the same time the universe gives us the gift of the knowledge that we are indeed and afterall; perfect.

value your own imperfection. highlight it; flaunt it. open your heart and value the imperfections of the people you love. mistakes, scars, wonkiness.

"Today it's brains, tomorrow, pierced tongues. Then the next day, pierced brains"

There is an episode of Daria that i remember from years ago, where Quinn, Daria's dim and popular sister gets a neck pimple. She decides to hide it under a black turtle neck and thus becomes thought of as a beatnik, therefore an existentialist, therefore deep.
it's all very silly and funny, but not far from the truth.
Dressed in black; Quinn tells us,
"I'm putting together an outfit. For your information, this is how deep people dress."

image from here

We all make assumptions about people based on what they are wearing. That's obvious. But don't we also become what we wear? Is it difficult to be sunny dressed as a goth?
Put on yellow patent leather mary-janes and you're going to skip!
Slip into a silk cocktail dress and you're going to wiggle!

What you choose to wear affects to way people perceive you and how you feel about yourself....like my mother and french beautician say;
"you wear too much black"
So, unless I feel like I want to be a goth or a beatnik, I'll try to wear more colour.
Grass-green!
Cornflower Blue!
Cherry Red!

"In his new boots, Joe Buck was six-foot-one and life was different".
That Midnight Cowboy built an amour of western-cut shirts, slacks and silk handkerchiefs which transformed him into the thing he needed to be.
To be brave, I too require the correct and perfect outfit; a uniform that will signify for me. When you re not sure of what you re doing, of who you are exactly; the perfect outfit can give you the courage to set forth regardless.
To learn to swim; I bought a silver- blue digital print speedo; fractured jewel shapes which look like scales of a fish. To learn to fly, perhaps I need something feathery?

Alexander Mcqueen spring 2008 RTW

Wearing a turtleneck to be smart isn't so silly. It's just the first step on the road to smart, perhaps.

*I seem to have remembered this episode all wrong. Quinn apparently writes a good essay. I cant find any mention of neck pimples. Go figure.

addictive personalities; a public service announcement

Should I be worried?

Florrie Fisher is the inspiration behind Jerri Blank;
Amy Sedaris' character from Strangers With Candy.....

In this public service announcement, Florrie describes how she can't stop at one of anything, 'she cant take one snort of horse...' because of her addictive personality. 
If she likes a dress she has to have it in every colour........cue my furrowed brow....I have been known to buy multiples in garments.
When I buy a tee shirt; its usually in both black and in white. And if they have it in cherry red and french blue, then I want those too.
I have some dresses in all available colour-ways. Don't ask me how many black dresses I own, because I couldn't say for sure. A lot I guess.
When I like something, I must own it, possess it in all its possible guises. Does that make me an addict?

what death taught me this week

I attended a funeral yesterday.
I went to offer my support to a good friend from high school who I hadn't seen in maybe a decade.
Funerals seem to rip the band-aid off my own slowly healing wound of loss. It hurt but I'm sincerely glad I went.

I came away with two gifts

1. The friends you make as a teenager are the best you are likely to have. Reconnect with these friends, they are precious. These friends knew you when your heart was open, before you were bitter. Very rarely do people you meet post teenage years 'get' you. If you meet someone who you feel is one of your tribe; tell them so.
2. Never miss an opportunity to let someone know how you feel about them. Compliment them. Wear your best silk dress for a coffee date. Don't save anything for a special occasion. Stop looking at the floor. Notice everything. Smile with your eyes and be generous with your humour. Make an effort. This stuff makes a difference to people and it could be that a small gesture lifts them up from a world of pain.